That Feeling

 

  This was my very first journal entry. I've had PCOS (now called PMOS) since the early 90s. I get severe anxiety, which leads to insomnia. I started writing down my thoughts in 2016, especially the negative ones, which has been very therapeutic. Getting them out of my head helps calm it all down.

THAT FEELING

The dreaded feeling creeps in late at night. When it’s 3-fucking-am, all I want to do is rest and drift off into blissful sleep…

But no, your mind has other plans. Thoughts running and running through my head in circles.

It’s too late.

It’s too hard.

It will take too long.

You’re too inexperienced.

You’re too old. Your time has passed.

You were born in the wrong decade.

You’re too fat.

You’re not pretty enough.

You’re not popular enough.

You're not interesting.

No one really likes you.

You’re not smart enough, tough enough, ambitious enough.

The dreaded feeling that always creeps in. Gnawing at my mind and torturing my soul.

Why can’t I just sleep?

Just go to sleep.

© Copyright 2017 Valora B. Abbett